Thor vs 'Gladiator Hulk'...Let's Do the Math....

Not long from now, the latest Marvel Superhero flick 'Thor: Ragnarok' will hit movie screens around the world. In one of I'm sure many trailers to come before then, we see 'The Mighty Thor'(TM) and 'The Incredible Hulk'(TM) take flying leaps at each other for a fist-pounding matchup!

Of course everything that happens is completely up to the writers (and director), so any number of fantastical things will happen whether they have any basis in reality or not. Hey, 'it's just a freakin' movie okay?'

As a writer, it doesn't hurt to know some of the 'math' for though Fantasy Writing does lend credit to 'anything can happen', when writing for mature readers / audiences you want tap into the mature mind's understanding of consequences in the real-world.

The mature mind understands what good shot to the jaw or getting slammed into a wall feels like, so you the writer want to give the reader that feeling during your action scenes. Knowing a little about the 'physics' of combat can put you in a good place to add just the right amount of 'real' so your audience doesn't say, 'like that would really happen!' 

As a fellow writer who loves to inject far greater doses of 'reality' in the mix of telling a story to add the right amount of actual 'pain-per-punch', here's an article that gets into the physics of what happens when super-powered-punches really land on 'lantern-jawed' heroes.... 
thor-ragnarok-trailer-physics

The 'Truth' Behind That Stupid Pepsi Commercial....

The 'truth' in that ridiculous Kendal Jenner Pepsi commercial is revealed with some old school tech and the 'real message is revealed'. Now you know, 'They Live!'

See the full story and watch the 'real commercial' here:
http://io9.gizmodo.com/video-channels-they-live-to-criticize-pepsi-ad-1794153540

Sunday Funnies....

Watch out for those 'awkward moments' when someone 'you fancy' walks in on you at the most inopportune time....

Steamy Adult Fantasy Short Story Series "Regarding Koescu, Part IV of the Renfields Chronicles"....

For you Adult Fantasy Readers, Part IV of Regarding Koescu has been posted at Regarding-Koescu-Part-IV---Renfields-The-First-Chronicle.


If you're following along this First segment of the Renfields Chronicles, I hope you're enjoying it. If you've just begun, I hope you get into it!
~Penelope Flynn

https://www.renfields.net/single-post/2017/04/07/Regarding-Koescu-Part-IV---Renfields-The-First-Chronicle

Friday Sexual Innuendo Image #03....

This 'Friday Sexual Innuendo Image' finds us in a forest chalet with 'Charon', mistress of corporate magnate Collin Worthwent. 

While Colin is speeding through the forest highway for a much needed weekend frolic, he is unaware of the poison gasses emanating from the forest that have affected the lovely Charon!

Too bad Colin lobbied his senator for those environmental regulations to be repealed or the report on dumping of chemical waste in the forest would have reached his desk before he bought that chalet.

Looks like Colin's in for an 'exciting weekend' after all....

Monday Means 'Pulp Pictures'....

Another Monday arrives (and goes 'cause I'm posting this well after midnight) so that means we get our latest old-school pulp cover. A cover which gives yon intrepid 'Fishbowl with Antennas' and oddly form-fitting space suit good reason to gasp at 'Lunar Bikini-clad Bitches!"

Running into near butt-nekkid white women on a planet you have to wear a spacesuit to survive, indicates they are way tougher than you and vacating their planet will be a true sign of your being an intelligent life-form!

The Yellow Window...by Calvin Roach

This is a very short story I wrote 10 years ago. Writing is quite difficult to me, so I will probably not be very prolific on here, but I'm still a moderator and adviser, should anyone have any questions. Without further adieu, here is "The Yellow Window". I hope you enjoy it.

 The Yellow Window

© 2007 Calvin Roach. All Rights Reserved

     Tonight, they'll come for me.  Of course, this is what I say to myself every night since I came here.  Why do I say it?  I surmise it’s to accept the inevitable.  But then, I don’t even know when night falls or day breaks any longer, as I’ve been confined in a tiny, empty cell for Heaven knows how long now, though I’ve decided it’s been over a week.  

     The darkness is only broken when a small panel on the door slides open to allow a sickly yellow light to thrust into my cell.  And even this does not last long; as within moments someone will stand between the light and the opening, blocking the beam.  

     Whoever is standing there says nothing. Indeed, he (or she, but I’ve decided that whoever it is a man) makes no sound at all.  I know he is watching me, and it drives me mad.

Read more....  

Sunday Funnies....

By Jove! This 'covert political' scenario seems all too familiar....

Finally! Someone gets what would happen in a fight between Goku, Superman and Onepunch Man....

Anyone who is into comics, cartoons and anime' has their favorite characters and want to see match-ups that will prove or shatter their claims of superiority.

One popular character that hit TV screens in Japan and the US in 2015 is named 'Saitama' aka 'Onepunch-Man'. Since then, Saitama's power has led to a  host of 'vs' videos and posts across YouTube and social media.

The Character Saitama is an average nobody. He is an out-of-work and unsure of what to do with himself kind of guy. That is until after another hopeless day of job hunting, Saitama runs across a weird 'crabman' like the ones you see in those kooky 'Power Ranger' style kids shows. Kooky looking or not, the Crabman is killing people at random down a side street. His day has been so fruitless, even the Crabman can see the 'IDGAF' burning in Saitama's eyes and gives him a pass because it wouldn't be any fun killing him.
 
Later, Saitama sees a small boy with a chin like a man's 'jingly-bits' and not-too-bright at that. Taking a closer look at the child's chin, Saitama realizes he's the child who initiated Crabman's killing spree by drawing 'nipples' on his carapace in permanent marker. Seeing how Crabman's claws won't allow him to clean off the offensive drawings and him being too ugly for anyone to help clean them away, the villain is rightfully pissed!

Crabman finds them both on a playground and attempts to kill the boy who's basically too dimwitted to live ('He broke my soccerball...aw.') But after taking a beating trying to save the boy, Saitama manages to kill Crabman by yanking out one of his eyestalks and all organs inside along with it (ew.) Emboldened by his surprising victory, Saitama decides the 'way of the superhero' is the path for him and he becomes a 'Hero for fun'.

Unfortunately for Saitama, his quest to become a powerful superhero comes with a considerable caveat. He's too successful at reaching his goal. Waaaaay too successful! The result of him training everyday for three years without fail renders him 'unbeatable'. He has become so powerful, he defeats all opponents with 'One Punch'. Being so overpowered has made life meaningless for Saitama as there are no real challenges for him as a superhero.

However, outside of the popular Manga and Anime' series Saitama is matched up against every superhero anyone can think of in the 'S-Class' (Super) power ranking. Many are entertaining, but most are made by biased fan-boys(girls) who favor one character over another. They for the most part do excellent analysis of the characters before the fight and then completely ignore their findings when the fight begins so their favorite wins (Uhy!)

In particularly there is at least one YouTuber out there who gets the 'vs' right using the available evidence of the powersets established by Onepunch-man's most popular 'vs' foes, Goku (Dragon Ball Z) and the man who put the 'S' in 'S-Class', Superman. Both Goku and Superman have long well known histories and feats to their credit so going to go into them is a waste of time. Far as Saitama is concerned, the man has no known limits. No known limits on his strength, speed or durability!

Superman is well known for 'holding back' on his power so he won't kill. Saitama has blown most of his opponents to gory paste with barely any effort! We're talking creatures, robots and supervillains that would have Goku fighting a whole season in DBZ to beat and Superman at least two comics and some serious throwdowns to put down. So far, the only opponent Saitama has fought who could fight on his level was 'Lord Boros' a solar-system conquering bad guy.

Boros was powerful enough to actually destroy Saitama's planet (and tried to!) Yet, Boros only managed to hang in throughout a fight that lasted one punch in the final moments of one episode and four attacks by Saitama in the following. Boros was strong enough to kick Saitama to the moon (ya' hear that Alice?) in less than two seconds (it takes light 1.3 to get from earth to the moon!) The impact created a huge crater and yet, Saitama stood up (without flying off the moon which I thought should have happened) unaffected by the blow, the impact or that nasty bit about being on the sunlit side of the moon without a spacesuit. If that wasn't enough, in a standing leap Saitama shot back to earth in less time than it took him to get there!

I've never seen Superman or Goku do anything like that (yeah, Superman pulled the earth back into orbit with Green Lantern and Wonder Woman's help which I call BS on for soooo many reasons like 'Science'!) So long story short, seeing how powerful Saitama is Boros unleashes his 'planet killer attack'. By which, the 'Onepunch-man' repels it back upon him with one 'Serious, Serious Punch.' The blow is so powerful, the impact clears the weather halfway around the planet in an instant! Holy shit!
 
Afterward, Boros is nothing more than an ashen dismembered body consisting of a blind skull and ruined torso who in his last words recognizes his greatest and final opponent wasn't even trying....


Check out the video and from Hyun's Dojo on YouTube and watch 'Onepunch-man' and see for yourself the awesome and hilarious power of Saitama for yourself.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0seE9SMZ3P8

Now (finally) Some Advice About Writing: Sorry, Your Fantasy Novel Sucks....

Greetings from 'Seen It Beforelandia'!

Fantasy / Adventure is an excellent escapist genre for writers. Violence, handsome warriors, beautiful maidens, and villains, villains, villains!

As an F/A writer with three novels and a number of short stories hanging from my belt, I've found it a challenging and enjoyable genre to write in. Unlike sci-fi or horror, you don't necessarily have to have all the 'details' down because for the most part, you're just making it all up!

Of course if you go down the hard road and write 'Historic Fiction', you better get the details correct or you'll throw your story off. No problem with that in F/A. But there are 'problems' you best be aware of.

The greatest problem for those writing F/A stories come from the powerful 'Ogreish' brother-sister duo, 'Been there' and 'Done that.' Though fantastical stories have been around for thousands of years, we can all thank 'Lord Tolkien' for creating the seminal fantasy adventure trilogy, "Lord of the Rings" (yeesh!)

To say that every fantasy story written is a shadow brewed from the 'Land of Mordor' (see what I did there) is thankfully not true. Robert E. Howard, Edgar Rice Burrows among many Pulp and adventure writers who went to press before J.R.R. dropped us in 'Hobbiton' are great examples of 'non-Tolkienesque' fantasy settings. Even later writers like 'Michael Moorcock' went to far stranger and scarier places in F/A without a hint of 'Eau du Elron' stinking the place up.

So the other half of that problem is 'Done that'. The drawback with writing F/A novels and shorts is; 'it's been done.' The genre just by virtue of being there can't help but lend itself to cliche'. Remember the 'handsome (King, Prince, Warrior, Vagabond, Rogue) and the 'beautiful (Queen, Princess, Warrior, Fallen Woman, Femme Fatale?) Well add 'the quest for the (stone, ring, sword, necklace, fountain, belt, helm, spear, bow, etc.) or the lost land of 'god knows where to (stop, start,) the great (villain, monster, god, demon) from doing whatever.

Get the point? Keep in mind so horrifically well traveled and explored a genre, the possibility of you coming up with something utterly 'original' (hey, just write something 'original'....) is highly unlikely. So in the quite likely event you will head down the road to 'Seen it Beforelandia', the things to keep in mind are to:

A) Firm up your idea. Too many of us don't have a solid idea of what our 'idea' for the story is. Yeah we get in your fantasy land there's 'this and that and that and this' which are all very cool and exciting to you. But (there's always one of those), you need to get a firm grip on why anyone would want to spend their money and time reading your book other than 'you wrote it and it's cool...'cause you wrote it.' Why is the 'land' the way it is? Who are the main characters? Why are they there at all? What are they going to do and how are they going to get it done without boring your reader(s) to death?

B) Tie all the elements together in a cohesive and compelling way. Now right off, this part is where the 'rubber-hits-the-road' and those bullshitting around just 'talking about writing a fantasy story' either get on with it or faceplant on the asphalt with nothing to show for all their talk.

Sorry kids, but getting all those 'great ideas' bouncing around in yon noggin into passable draft is hard. Taking all characters, elements and plot then blending them into something which makes sense is harder. Doing all that in a genre where everyone and their ancestors has had input long before you were ever born that readers will enjoy is hard...as...fuck! But, (there it is again) not impossible to do.

Here's an article by 'Professor Awesome' who'll painfully break down 'why your fantasy novel sucks' and shed some further light on how to keep it from doing so:
http://www.profawesome.com/?p=306